An occasional report on words, phrases, and pith.

Huh?
“Unqualified people were hired to do nothing.” A report in the LA Times about corruption at a county office. But we don’t understand — what qualifications are required to do nothing?

Quoth
Lord make me chaste. But not yet. Agustine de Phillippa

Quoth
I knew her before she was a virgin. Oscar Levant, about Doris Day.

Good point on language in today’s NYT. Consider this sentence:

I never said she stole my money.

It can have seven very different meanings — depending on which word is stressed. (If you need that spelled out, read on.)

1. I never said she stole my money.
….It was Tommy who said it.

2. I never said she stole my money.
….I said a few things, but not that.

3. I never said she stole my money.
….Maybe I implied it. But I didn’t say it.

4. I never said she stole my money.
….I said “That bunch stole it.”

5. I never said she stole my money.
….I said she borrowed it and didn’t pay it back.

6. I never said she stole my money.
….It was the company’s money she stole.

7. I never said she stole my money.
….Yeah, she took a lot. But I kept my dough.

1. Never tell everything at once.

Maybe that’s an old one. But we don’t get out much.

]]> http://stronglanguage.wordpress.com/2009/04/23/two-rules-for-success/feed/ 0 stronglanguage http://stronglanguage.wordpress.com/2009/04/20/scam-school/ http://stronglanguage.wordpress.com/2009/04/20/scam-school/#comments Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:55:32 +0000 stronglanguage http://stronglanguage.wordpress.com/?p=1072 ]]>

My high school class — or the part that subscribes to a Web site called Classmates.com — is the target of a scam. Here’s the Cliff Notes version:

Through the Classmates.com site, people receive an invitation to the W.F. Dykes High School Class of 1970 40th Reunion. (Does that give away my age? Does it make me look fat?)

The invite, purportedly, is from  “Don Walter.”

And our class did include a fellow named Don Walter.  (Names have been changed to protect the innocent; the guilty will take care of themselves.)

This Don, who styles himself  “Reunion Organizer,” wants a check for $150 for the event at the Atlanta Ritz-Carlton in June 2010.

Class Detective Scott B. quickly learns that the Ritz has no such reservation.

Meaning that, on the night in question — scam or no scam — we’ll find some very sad greyheads in front of that inn. (Those who have flown across the country or the globe may be more than sad. Memo to Ritz-Carlton: metal detectors!)

Anyway, here’s my theory of the scam:

1. It has nothing to do with the real Don Walter. I knew Donny from kindergarten, and I don’t think he would do this.
2. Somebody got Don’s name and used Classmates.com to put out an email to 1970 DHS grads — let’s say 50 of them.
3. He scheduled his blast for April — before our tried-and-true reunion committee (three successes under its belt)  has started organizing.
4. Then the scammer did the same thing with 10, 20, 100 other high schools. (How did he find a “Don Walter” for each school? Who knows — Facebook, MySpace, Classmates.com, other sites. He’s got a system, maybe an insider — but more likely a software program.) Now he’s got 5k emails out.
5. 98 percent of the pigeons don’t bite — but two percent do. People out of town, those who’ve lost touch, the more trusting among us, etc.  At $150 per, the scam clears $15,000.
6. Then he repeats the process for the classes of 60, 65, 75, 80, 85, 90, etc.

Recession is the mother of invention. I may be wrong — apologies in advance to Don Walter — but I doubt it.

Cut to the chase,
There’s gold in them thar hills!
Feed a cold, starve a fever.

Think you know what these things mean? Miss Understanding bets you don’t.

Cut to the chase.

Most people today think it means “Let’s get to the substance of the matter.” But originally it meant the opposite.

It was a film director’s edit: End a “boring” scene — usually a conversation — and move to a more exciting crowd pleaser, like a car chase. In other words, let’s get as far away from substance as we can.

There’s gold in them thar hills!

Promoting the Gold Rush, right? Wrong. This statement was intended to undermine the gold rush. (No pun intended.)

The Rush in question was California’s, begun in 1848. A year later, as would-be miners hastened west, an official of a U.S. Mint in Georgia told them they didn’t have to travel 3000 miles to find the precious metal. He stood on Dahlonega square, pointed at the nearby mountains, and said . . . you know.

Feed a cold, starve a fever.

This misinterpreted prescription has wasted a lot of chicken soup. Hippocrates said it, but he meant it like this: “If you eat when you have a cold, you’ll catch a fever, and then you’ll have to fast.”

Like “Drive fast, get a ticket.” Or “Skip class, serve detention.” These are not encouragements to speeding or truancy, but warnings against such behaviors, and their consequences.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

Dickens meant it sarcastically. Like saying “One day carbs are good, the next day they’re bad. Who knows what to think anymore?”

Skeptical? Read the first page of A Tale of Two Cities.

That’s our prediction and we’re sticking to it.

See it yourself:

The T-Mobile Dance

And then watch How They Did It

It’s all over but the paperwork.

On Monday we received a check for $4.5 million. After the customary 10-day hold (10 business days, that is — don’t make that mistake!), we will enjoy the fruits of our fortune.

Meanwhile, we’ve decided to go public with our strategy in order that others can repeat it. In these difficult times, everybody needs something to fall back on.

Herewith, the full correspondence. We have resisted editing it even though we make our living– made our living, we should say — by claiming to be an editor.

Qwik Tip: You don’t have to read every word. We didn’t.

Subject: Good Day !

Dear,

I write to solicit your attention, collaboration in the realisation of a fund transfer transaction of mutual benefit into an offshore account which shall be opened in this regards.

To resume details of this transaction, I head and oversee the auditing department of a local Bank, recently during an extraordinary end of year auditing session, I came across a file containing $ 2.800.000, 00 USD deposited in a fix-deposit account by late Mr THOMAS) who died in a drastic car accident on the 15 October 2007 according to the documents in my possession.

Hence the depositor (Mr THOMAS) didn’t indicate any Beneficiary / Next of Kin during deposit in case of Physical or mental inability, death etc and most importantly the fact that you beer/answer same family names, this motivates me to seek your collaboration to enable me discretely introduce and register your credentials in the deceased file in the Bank and into the Bank information Central Processing Unit as the sole, legitimate Beneficiary/Next of Kin to enable you put forth claims and request the Transfer of this Fund into the account to be opened. I have the ability and can proof this to you.

Upon reading from you, I shall forward to you copies of relevant documents attesting this transaction.

As I look forward to read from you, accept my regards and do not hesitate to contact me for more details if need be.

Regards,
s / DIABY Guy-Michel

Subject: Good day indeed !

Dear Mr. Diaby,

We are in receipt of your impressive letter and we believe we may possess the necessary credentials. Please send details soonest.

Thank you.
s / Strong Language

Subject: Re: Good day indeed !

Hello Mr. Strong,

Thanks for your message well received.

In response, I would like to call your attention on the necessity of treating this transaction with absolute confidentiality. I wish to count on you in this regards.

Like mentioned in your message, I would like to let you understand that it is obvious and certain that your collaboration in the realisation of this transaction must be compensated and as such I would like to know your expectations in terms of percentage,  (what you expect as compensation) taking into consideration the vital role we both have to play.

Like mentioned in my previous message, I would like you to forward to me upon receipt of this message, your complete address, date, place of birth, your profession, and your direct phone and fax number so as to enable me contact you and forward to you copies of documents relating to this transaction. Further detail prior to the execution of this transaction shall be forwarded to you in my subsequent message upon reading or hearing from you.

While looking forward, accept my regards.

s/ Guy-Michel DIABY
Telephone: +22548382754

Subject: Re: Re: Good day indeed !

A VERY good day. We are IN ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Send details soonest.

s / Strong Language

From: DIABY GUY-MICHEL
To: Strong Language

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Good day indeed !

Attn: beneficiary,

We have no time to waste your fund and payment as long been overdue. We are now paying you off via our pay yourself payment centre p.y.p.c. part payment of usd$4.5m please find below your new account details with us we have opened a non resident  bank account for you to enable you make transfer from your local account with us to your account  which you are to pay yourself.

Bank: ecobank intl. Plc of nigeria
Address:  ecobank intl. Plc building 8th floor v/island, lagos, nigeria.
Tel.: +234-7056263592
Account number: 999358585
Swift Code number: ACMADDKEAIXXZ
Routing #/ABA #: 026009593
Bank clearing#: 293

Your approved fund has finally been downloaded in our system you can now make the transfer of your fund personally to any of your desired account through our digitalized pay yourself payment centre p.y.p.c. this method is to safe guard customers fund and adequate security it is called electronic digitalized payment system. Your are to personally confirm your payment in your account in the next 24 hours we implore you to dial direct from your phone 23413423100 you shall require to entre your account number which is 999358585 then enter your four digit pin number xxxxxx then you shall require to enter your personal  account number for confirmation you need to urgently do that as soon as you recieve this e-banking pay yourself payment downloaded,once again congratulations in advance. You are now to laugh at last after long payment proccessing.

Please confirm your fund and get back to me, also remember your promise and my fund which I invested on your behalf. Call me immediately you confirm your fund (+234-7056263592) please confirm your payment and get back to me.

YOURS SINCERELY,
MR. KEVIN OKONJI

Ahora también puedes acceder a tu correo Terra desde el móvil.
Infórmate pinchando aquí. [Nice touch -- SL/LF)

Subject: DOUBLE IN ! ! !

We can taste it.

But would it not be simpler to simply deposit funds in our bank account here? We will forward needed information as needed.

s / Strong Language

Subject: Re: DOUBLE IN ! ! !

Attention: Strong Language,

In response to your mail, I write to inform you that your account pin code is with our head office in Abuja that was why you could not access your account and have it transferred into your local or any choice of account . Your account pin code is in form of a scratch card that has a silver panel on it. (Another nice touch, noticed by SL's older and smarter brother, Mycroft, who does read every word.)

Though the pin code was suppose to be given to you during our first communiqué with you, but based on the fact that the authorities in the STB objects that no individual being who so ever should have a clue to the pin number so that to avoid the interference of criminal having access to your account. Since this is the only measure to that will safe-guard your account from people unknown to you and to make sure that it's only you that could make withdrawals from your account.

Meanwhile, you are required to take care of our attorney's Barrister John Douglas flight fare to Abuja for the pin number and as well the dispatch cost of your pin code. The flight fare from Lagos to Abuja is US$350.00 while the cost of dispatch is US$200.00 which amount to US$550.00. I implore you to take care of the above logistic for prompt action toward the dispatch of your account pin code.

While sending the U.S$550.00, you are to send it through western union money transfer . Furthermore, during the dispatch of your account pin code, we shall include your user manual which will guide you in making withdrawal of your funds from your non residential account to your nominated account. You can make withdrawal of your funds as it pleases you without any question since the whole funds belongs to you.  Be informed that this is a part payment as other subsequent payment will be coming your way in due time and my office will not hesitate to inform you when the second payment is being released.

Finally, as soon as our attorney receive the fee, he shall proceed to Abuja for your pin code, in return to Abuja, we shall dispatch the pin code to you immediately and shall as well provide you with the guide manual which will assist you in making your transfer from your non resident account to your nominated account in your state.  Below are the details of our attorney whom will be travelling to abuja on your behalf.

Contact he below informations
Name: John Douglas
Email: barr_john333@yahoo.com
Tel:234-8028458913

immediately and He will direct you on whom to send the required fee to.

Have a nice and wonderful day (Yet another nice touch. SL) while I wait to receive the your response.

Congratulations.
YOURS SINCERELY,
MR. KEVIN OKONJI

Subject: Understood

Proceed my friend. There's an iPhone in this for you! Maybe two!

s / Strong Language

Subject: Re: DOUBLE IN ! ! !

Dear Strong Language,

Mr. Guy-Michel has forwarded to me your email and the content are well noted. You are advice to contact our financial attorney Barrister John Douglas immediate and informed him to advice you how you will send his Flight Fees $350 and He should gave you name you will use and send his fees through western union.

these are john douglas informations

Contact he below informations
Name: John Douglas
Email: barr_john333@yahoo.com
Tel:234-8028458913

immediately and He will direct you on whom to send the required fee to.

Have a nice and wonderful day while I wait to receive the your response.

Congratulations.

YOURS SINCERELY,
s / MR. KEVIN OKONJI

SUBJECT: God in the details

Mr. John the Barrister (and all concerned),

$350 seem a bit high for deliveries charge.

Perhaps you meant $35.00? OR more likely $3.50, which is what I would pay for ordinatry delivery.

Don't be ripped off by FedEx!

Your friend,

s / Strongy

Subject: Bank Draft

Attention: Mr. Strong,

Thanks for your urgent responds today. The Bank forward a copy of the Bank draft to you (image attached).

You are advice to comply with the Delivery charges the sum of $350 dollars to this information  below through western union or Money Gram to enable him proceed and dispatch the your Bank Draft through Fedex Delivery Service company.

NAME: MARTINS OKOLIE
ADDRESS: LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: COLOR
ANSWER: RED
AMOUNT:$350 DOLLARS ONLY

Make sure that you send your house address where the Fedex will deliver the Bank Draft. Send the money today with the informations barrister John douglas sent to you for us commence for immediate effect.

Thanks

s /  Barrister John

SUBJECT: HELLSAPOPPIN!

Dear Mr. Barrister,

I have endorsed the check you sent and immedieately deposited same in my banck. As soon as it clears I will forward you the $3,500 handling fee.

Meanwhile I have sent all necessary information and $35.00 via Western Union to Mr. Martin Lagos in Niger.

Thank you, thank you Sir. This is a blessing in our time of need.

s / Strong L

Subject: Bank Draft

Dear Sr. Language,

I received your mail. You can't deposit the scan copy because it may not work, All you have to do is to look for the delivery charges the sum of $350 dollars and send it with the information I given to you through western union.

If you are ready to receive your funds, then send down the above fees today.

s / Barrister John

SUBJECT: PREDICATE

Barrister John,

I did not copy Mr. Okonji on this letter because I am uncertain as to his intentions. You, I feel, are trustworthy.

By any chance are you relate to Prester John? Elton John?

You are correct.. My banker inform me he has caused to be place a ten (10) day hold on the draft. (Businsess days). Thus the funds will be me avail me on 3/28.

I have sent $3.50 by Western Union to Mr Martins in Lagos Niger.

(Assuming your $350 figure in error?)

s/ Strongoli

Subject: Bank Draft

Mr. Steve,

Listing if You are ready to access your funds into your account, Then send down the requare fees to Martins Okolie and attach the western Union and also this is not a childish play. You can not teach me my job. [Emphasis ours. SL]

If you are ready then send the fees today.

s / Barrister John

SUBJECT: WE DID NOT MEAN TO OFFEND

May we address counsel? Please accept our apologie.

Today we received a job offer and told him to FK himself  (in so many words). To hell with that noise! We are a millonaire among peasants.

what (may we ask?) will by Your Fee for assist in this matter?

Again, we have sent $3.50 by Western Union to Mr. Martins in Niger.

Please advice next step. We have no want to teach your job and greatly apprecaite your assist.

s / Strongly Opposed to Prohibition

Subject: Bank Draft

Mr. Steve,

If you have sent the sum of $350 dollars to Martins, then attach the western union slip into this Box now or you can write the sender name and Sender’s address and MTCN NUMBER

s / barrister John Douglas

SUBJECT: DONE!

1741619872
Question: color
Answer: red

s / Strong Language

Subject: Bank Draft

Dear Strong Language,

Please how can you forward to me wrong data? I track it the on the western Union sit and the information MTCN numbers you is wrong. Verify it by attaching the western union slip into this box.

s / Barrister John

SUBJECT: HOW COULD WE

We are mortified. Correct info en route.

One further question: Are you a mammal?

s / Strong Like Cheese

Subject: ATTACH THE SLIP!

Dear Strong,

Please how can you forward to me wrong data? I track it the on the western Union sit and the information MTCN numbers you is wrong. Verify it by attaching the western union slip into this box.

s / Barrister John

SUBJECT: WHERE ATTACH SLIP?

Not understand!

You say “Attach the western union slip into this box.”

What box?

We have taped the slip to our computer screen before sending this reply. Is that what you mean?

PLEASE WE WISH NO FURTHER DELAY. OUR CREDITORS EXPECT PAYMENT SOONEST.

s / Strong But Confused

Subject: YOU SENT FAKE MTCN  NUMBER?

Strong Language,

Martins Okolie just came back from western union Office and he let me know that the Mtcn numbers you sent was fake. Pls we are not playing childish attitude.

If you are sure that you sent the money, Then scan the recipt the western union gave you.

s / John

SUBJECT: THIS CANNOT STAND

John,

First let me say how glad I am finally we are on first-name base.

Just between you and me and Betty Windsor, I did not trust that Mr. Okolie from the beginning. Your people may be not telling you the truth.

I suggest asking him to turn pockets out — and if he has $3.50 in one of them, well then, Bob’s your uncle.

What is next? I cannot keep sending $3.50 to Niger. There must be an end in sight.

I am deeply overextend now in expecting my good fortune. A little matter of delivery fee must not stand in the way of our Partnership.

Let’s put our heads together and SOLVE THIS PROBLEM!

s/ Long and Strong

Quoth

I’d make it a lot lower-percentage shot. —  Oscar Robertson, told that today’s young players don’t vigorously defend against three-pointers “because it’s a low-percentage shot.”

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. — Voltaire (François-Marie Arouet)

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. — William James

We recently acquired a patio “umbrella.” Or not. It’s made of a mesh that blocks neither sun nor rain.

So is really an umbrella?

What if a shovel were designed not to dig? Or even beat a mule? Would it really be a shovel?

SL holds no brief. We’re just asking.

Recently a Google photography crew hit a baby deer on Five Points Road in Rush, NY. Sad, but it happens.

But there was worse to come — not for the deer but the Google. Seems the crew uploaded the gore.

So if you Googled Five Points Road you got to watch a bloody baby deer writhe on the center line.  (The pics are gone now. Mama G didn’t raise no fools.)

Biscuit?

We may or may not get a language angle out of this. Initial comments from Mountain View were promising:  “The deer was able to move and had left the area by the time the police arrived.”

Right. And now he’s at a nice farm.