Lazy writing never goes out of style, but recently we’ve noticed a spike in a certain usage. Here’s a good example:
The company rushed to reopen the plant because it owned 700,000 chickens that needed to be slaughtered.
Chickenry sees its own “needs” differently. The birds consistently choose food, water, and the company of other chickens over being drawn and quartered. (Regular polling is conducted at poultry plants, and the bird vote is always loud, clear, and unanimous.)
We’re reminded of the famous defense to a murder charge: “He needed killing, Your Honor.”
Here are a few other examples.
The allegations need to be investigated.
The sandbags need to be removed.
Mortgage rates need to be lowered.
What do mortgage rates do when their “needs” aren’t met? Pout, cry, throw a tantrum, go on strike? Or just sit in quiet suffering?
Sometimes you’ll see a variant: The prosecutor needs to investigate, the owner needs to remove the sandbags, the banks need to lower rates. But these are evasions too.
Evasions? Yes. What all these have in common is the use of language to shift responsibility.
It’s the great strength of the passive voice: Mistakes were made. And how about WTHR in Indianapois, explaining its decision to suspend public comment on its Web site: “We regret that the comments function had to be turned off for this story.”
True, the issue in each case is need. But not the need of a sandbag, or a prosecutor, or a “comments function.”
Rather, society needs to test accusations (and the falsely accused need to clear their names). A town needs to control erosion. Overextended homeowners need to keep their homes. A TV station decided it needed to rein in its “interactive” Web site. And Agriprocessors needed an end game for all those chickens.
If SL tried to slip such laziness into our own business writing, our editors would delete it. Try again, and they’d delete us.
At least they wouldn’t say “SL, you need to be fired.”
