Words to annoy Britons!

Researchers at Oxford University have compiled a list of the most irritating words and phrases in the English language, or at least its British variant.

They published their work in Damp Squid, a book named after the widespread confusion over squid and squib (a mistake we must have made a thousand times.)

It’s not quite clear from the Telegraph what standards the study used. Did a particular word annoy the entire British empire (such as it is), or just  the UK? Or just Oxford, or Lynne Truss, or a couple of hung-over freshmen?

Ready?

At the end of the day
Fairly unique
I personally
At this moment in time
With all due respect
Absolutely
It’s a nightmare
Shouldn’t of
24/7
It’s not rocket science

Relax, says Strong Language. There are plenty of more annoying words and phrases.

Here’s the biscuit

A certain Atlanta business writer said we may be facing a language disaster:

“I personally agree — for now. At this moment in time their list is fairly unique but at the end of the day it won’t be. Why? It’s not rocket science. Tomorrow every nitwit on the Google will be repeating these things 24/7.

“Was it irresponsible to publish it? Absolutely. With all due respect to Oxford, it’s a nightmare we don’t need. They shouldn’t of done it.”

Best quote of the campaign

“I’m, like, totally ready to lead.”
Paris Hilton

In response to the McCain ad ridiculing Obama as a celebrity — with a picture of Paris to prove it — and asking But is he ready to lead?

Say what you will about Paris. But she does not flinch.

A year in the provinces

Yesterday we completed a year without TV. How’d that happen? See Cathode rays are dark.

How did we survive? Newspapers and Netflix. Books and Billy Justice. Dinners and dogs and dumb homeowner projects.

We seem to be intact. But we’ll string up the antenna (or cable, or whatever) and climb back on the grid soon.

Laziness we’d be fired for

Lazy writing never goes out of style, but recently we’ve noticed a spike in a certain usage. Here’s a good example:

The company rushed to reopen the plant because it owned 700,000 chickens that needed to be slaughtered.

Chickenry sees its own “needs” differently. The birds consistently choose food, water, and the company of other chickens over being drawn and quartered. (Regular polling is conducted at poultry plants, and the bird vote is always loud, clear, and unanimous.)

We’re reminded of the famous defense to a murder charge: “He needed killing, Your Honor.”

Here are a few other examples.

The allegations need to be investigated.
The sandbags need to be removed.
Mortgage rates need to be lowered.

What do mortgage rates do when their “needs” aren’t met? Pout, cry, throw a tantrum, go on strike? Or just sit in quiet suffering?