Jobs jobs

Welcome to our new series: Apple Computer’s contribution to the language of business.

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What’s an iBrick?

It’s a dead iPhone. Specifically, an iPhone to which Apple has sent a special “software update” — which has killed the phone, giving it the approximate value of a brick.

Some iPhone users, you see, had gotten a bit too familiar with the thing. They were tinkering with it, and using it for all sorts of mischief — phone calls, music downloads, other acts of terror.

It was time for a Jobs job: They bricked ’em. There were tears, anger, and threats of lawsuits.

Apple’s more interesting PR disaster, in SL’s view, was the way it used the iPhone release to punk-slap its best customers.

Stupid me

Certified true story:

Yesterday a mortgage broker told me I was “stupid as [expletive]” for not coming back to him one last time for a lower quote.

Hanging up, I felt like you feel when you almost get hit by a bus. How close had I come? How close to actually doing business with the man?

Profanity is weak indeed. But even without it — my goodness!

 

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STRONG OR WEAK?

Calling the buyer stupid when you lose a sale.

The SL verdict: You know.

Farewell ye firewall?

Computing without firewalls — you heard it here first.

AT&T Labs is developing alternatives to the old “walled garden” of IT security, including new looks at encryption, powerful vetting software, even (gasp!) the widsom of users.

Customer demand for the change comes not from IT, but from the business side.

The reason is open standards — companies are finding value and efficiency when they bring customers, suppliers, and partners onto the same transparent platform.

In a related trend, more IT is migrating from corporate intranets to the Internet. BP just moved out 20k employees. (Business without intranets? You didn’t hear it from us.)

Some garden walls will remain — don’t expect www.MyNuclearPlant.com — but many more walls may soon come tumbling down.

Mort Gagor

Quick: Who gives a mortgage to whom?

If you said a bank gives mortgages to borrowers, the man on the street agrees with you. But you’re both wrong.

A mortgage is a claim — a lien — against property. You give it to a lender against your house and yard, which are yours, more or less, for one reason: Said lender has given the seller of the property a large check.

You have given the lender two things in return. One is your promise to pay them the amount of the check, plus interest. The other, in case you fail on your promise, is _____.

If you said a mortgage, you’re right! You are the mortgagor. The bank is the mortgagee.

If we had paid more attention in French class, this would be intuitive. But we didn’t and it isn’t. It makes no difference. Here comes Carving Closing Day.

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Who’s right, who’s not

SL doesn’t do a big recommendation business, but we do occasionally call attention to error.

The Word Detective offers an explanation of mortgage that misses on a few cylinders. It refers to the lender as the mortgagor, which is wrong. It also claims “the ‘homeowner’ doesn’t really own the house. The mortgage company owns it.”

You can debate philosophy and metaphor, but in terms of law and contract, the homeowner owns the home. He doesn’t need a landlord’s permission to raise corn.

What the mortgage company owns is something more valuable. And that is ______.

If you said the mortgage — right again!

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Through the looking glass

I knew I could never learn the language of home buying — when I realized that the buyer’s agent is listed on the contract as selling agent.